The Era of Broke Man Propaganda and Embarrassing Boyfriends

Embracing Standards

I finally watched Materialists a few weeks ago. I’d been excited for it when the marketing first dropped; the trailer had that glossy, chaotic New York romcom energy we’ve all been missing. I really thought, after all these years, we might finally get a good one again. But then the reviews started pouring in… and whew. Just like so many recent romcoms, the rollout ended up being better than the film itself.

But this isn’t really a movie review. This is about the idea underneath the film, the rise of “broke man propaganda,” especially in the same cultural moment where that viral article “Having a Boyfriend Is Now Embarrassing” is circulating like gospel. It all got me thinking deeper about the narratives being pushed at women. What romance is supposed to look like. What we’re supposed to accept. How low the bar keeps being dragged.

I’m not shy about commentary on men; you can see that all over my Substack. Because the truth is, we are living in a time where women are collectively struggling to find competent partners. My friends and I are literally a group of talented, ambitious, brilliant women… and yet so many of us are noticeably, chronically single. And not because we want to be. So you start looking around and wondering: how is this our reality?

Then you turn on a film like Materialists, and it’s selling a fantasy where a woman is meant to choose a low-value man in the name of “love”, as if stability, competence, emotional awareness, or ambition are suddenly elitist demands. As if asking for a man who can meet you where you are is unreasonable. As if being a “nice girl” is the problem, instead of men who are actually incompetent.

The disconnect is jarring, both in these narratives and in real society. What is a girl supposed to do? Write about it, apparently. Because honestly, having a boyfriend does feel embarrassing sometimes. Not because relationships are inherently embarrassing, but because so many men are adding nothing, not materially, not emotionally, not spiritually. But we’re still being told that intimacy alone should be enough.

And here’s the sad part: I’m not even cynical. Not really. It’s all so deeply sad because underneath all of this, everyone, men and women, is craving intimacy. It’s even worse when you finally get a taste of it. Suddenly, your brain starts tricking you into settling, into accepting crumbs, into believing scarcity lies. But I refuse. Writing these essays has become my way of processing the frustration. And every time, I feel myself getting steadier, more self-assured.

Because if you’re associating with a low-value man? Honestly, it is embarrassing. What’s the point, intimacy? Validation? Veneer of partnership? A man being “obsessed” with you is not a flex if he has nothing else to offer. Some men will want you, see you, and actually love you, without dragging your standards through the mud.

The Ongoing Emotional Pivot

“I’ve been circling the same emotional terrain,” is really the only way to describe it. Writing about men. Writing about how they’ve made me feel unseen, unloved, or even erased. Late-night scrolling, the glow of my phone on my face, reading essays like The Price of Being Wanted or On Intimacy… letting their words echo through me.
Do they want me?
Does it matter?
Am I the problem for wanting to be chosen?

That loop felt like emotional quicksand.

My slow realisation didn’t come from a self-help quote or a TikTok therapist. It came casually, in my apartment, during a conversation with my roommate. She said it felt strange for men to go out without the intent of meeting women. I argued back, Why should men centre women at all?

But the thought lodged somewhere deeper:
We are conditioned to orbit men, even though most men rarely orbit us.

If men can centre themselves unapologetically… why can’t I?

And that became the pivot:

I don’t owe men anything. And they don’t owe me either.
I’m done pouring energy into people who can’t reciprocate. I’m done contorting myself to be chosen. The number of reach-outs and over-explanations for nothing in return, but the obviousness that these men do not care about me.

Becca Bloom put it perfectly when she described the paradox of attraction:
“It’s about constraint — the more you say, the more you give away, and the more leverage they have over you.”

It hurts because it’s true. Especially for lover-girls like us, women who crave to be seen so deeply that romance makes us abandon the boundaries we hold everywhere else in our lives.

So what am I actually going to apply?

Learn how to have fun with it and learn how to step away once it doesn't serve you anymore, and more importantly, seek connections where they actually seem interested in you as a person and not just superficial attributes.
Enjoy whatever attention comes your way, but hold out for what actually sustains you.